Shitty Thoughts

I should have started writing about a certain topic yesterday but I put it on hold, maybe because I’m so drained by reading and writing too much that I can’t squeeze anything out of my mind. Everyone needs a break, and I certainly need one.

Two days ago I received an email from work, a new task, which is unexpected because I thought the whole company was gone and everyone is dead since there has been no communication and updates since December. But yeah, they’re all alive and well. Speaking of, I was asked to create another project proposal which I did diligently, finished and complied with the request, and sent it immediately so I can go on with my day without worrying about it.

Yesterday I wrote a short prose about my past relationship, and just to make things clear, I didn’t posted it because I miss the person, or the memories. I was just inspired by Hyjacked Amygdala blog and thought of making my own, to tell a story in vivid detail, with intense emotion, that is so clear you can almost touch it. It might linger in your mind that I could have written about something else, let me justify my decision. First, I think it would be more intense and vivid if you tell a story that have been part of your life, in the past or just recently. Second, it was my first thought and so I did, and lastly I’m planning to make a series of it, I don’t know, nothing is certain. But if I do, it will be from the past to the present point.

Primarily, this blog’s purpose is just for my love of photography, and to let the words out of my mind so it won’t bug me all the time, thinking of things I could have said and written, and I’m not abandoning that. I just want to try something different to what I usually love to write about.

Writing is healthy, it frees my mind of thoughts that I shouldn’t be worrying about all the time. All kinds of it, from unwanted to happy thoughts, emotional to sarcastic ones, and factual to theoretical. But sometimes I have shitty thoughts for shitty people, and I can’t help it. There’s nothing anyone can do to stop me from thinking of how shitty they are when they are genuinely shit beings. It’s just the way it is, and they probably deserve it.

There are days I’m thinking of writing about – How to move on from a failed relationship, and sometimes topics like – Fuck it, get over it and just move on with your life. But in all of these shitty thoughts, there is something profound out of my mind, like – Learn to fight your battle alone and get over it. You can’t force your mind to quit thinking about something in an instant, you need to absorb, understand, and somehow agree with it, because that is you. What your thoughts are, is your personality. You can’t change that, don’t force yourself against your true nature.

Stop putting sugar on your coffee because you don’t drink coffee for it’s taste, but for its effect, to wake you out of your miseries. It is similar to your thoughts, don’t extinguish it, but instead, let it just burn and embrace your inner darkness.